Uniform
by Planecrazylex
Summary: Castle tries to understand Kate being able to go to another funeral in uniform.


Prompt: RC loved seeing KB in her police uniform, but not this time. A member of the 12th dies and KB is getting ready for the funeral.

Kate was getting ready in their bedroom. He used to love seeing her all dressed up in her uniform. He realized now that if she was putting her uniform on it was for something formal or a funeral. Neither of which he enjoyed.

Everything was ok now, Kate was alive and they were married. Things were better than ok, but he still had flashbacks and nightmares about that day. The day Kate got shot. The flashbacks are worse when Kate has her uniform on, especially for funerals.

A uniformed cop (UC) in the precinct had been shot on duty and had died. Beckett, Castle and the boys were first on scene and were determined to catch the killer. One of their own had been taken. A few days later they had the killer in custody. He had confessed and it was an open and shut case. They would be able to get justice for their friend, the only way they could.

Kate came out of the bedroom into the office to find Castle sitting at his desk staring out the window.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Ready to go?"

"How do you do it?" Castle asked turning to look at Kate.

"Do what?" Kate replied.

"How do you put on that uniform and go to a funeral for your friend?"

It was something Castle had been thinking about for a while. He was doing better, He didn't have nightmares as much anymore. It had gotten a lot better when he had Kate beside him, a reassurance he needed even now sometimes that she was ok, she had survived. They were ok, they were here. Together. But when something like this happened, and a funeral was looming even Kate couldn't keep the memories totally at bay.

"Do you remember what I said at Montgomery's funeral?" Kate asked, moving closer to the desk and to her husband slowly, in an effort to comfort him without startling him while he was so deep in thought.

"I remember lots about that day. But what you said is not the most prominent memory."

Kate moved across the room to a cupboard she had commandeered when she moved in and pulled out a box, lifting out a page.

"This was my speech, I didn't get to finish it", she hesitated, "obviously." making an effort to tread lightly around such a difficult subject for them both. They could talk about it now. Now that Bracken was behind bars and they had moved past their issues. That was a positive note now, but still a painful memory of a difficult time.

"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He taught me that we are bound by our choices, but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once said for us, there is no victory. There are only battles. And in the end, the best you could hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you. Our captain would want us to carry on the fight."

Castle couldn't read any further. He paused and found that Kate had moved closer and was now leaning on his desk watching him, not moving to stop him reading but close enough. He couldn't bare to read what Kate should have said beyond that, the memory becoming too vivid. He remembered the look they shared right before...He shuddered at that particular memory.

"Castle, I go to work every day because I believe in finding justice for the families. I spoke to Montgomery after we had fought. He reminded me that You were trying to help, possibly not in the best way" She caught Castles' eyes for a second, watching as a hint of his normal mischief appearing for a second, only to disappear again waiting for her to continue.

"He told me that we speak for the dead. We are all they've got once they are robbed of their voices. We owe them that. But we don't owe them our lives. It was his way of reminding me that even though I wanted to find my mother's killer I didn't need to loose my life for the cause."

Castle nodded in understanding wincing at the thought of loosing Kate,

"But going to funerals like this, in your uniform; don't you have flashbacks? Are you not scared?"

Kate smiled in understanding with a gentle nod. "I do. And at times like this, they are harder to deal with, but do you know how I cope?"

Castle shook his head in response.

"I have you by my side, there with me if I need you. I have a ring on my finger that reminds me it isn't that day. I know that I can reach out and take your hand and you don't need an explanation. You help me. You are my lifeline when days get tough, especially days like this"

Castle stood and pulled his wife into his arms. They stood there for a while, each taking comfort in the other. Kate pulled back first, fixing her uniform.

"Ready to go, partner?"

"Always"


End file.
